07/05/2026 12:08am Sunday
It's hard watching my friends continue their lives and expand and grow while I feel like I'm not. I hope it's all worth it.
07/03/2026 11:08am Friday
I skipped through Paul Soter's 'Watching the Detectives'. I did not find the movie funny or entertaining. Lucy Liu's character is not enjoying (no hate to Lucy Liu all hate to the writers). I don't really get the movie beyond things happened with Lucy and Cilian, and the things aren't enjoyable to watch.
07/01/2026 9:42am Wednesday
I am currently listening to 'A Rush of Blood to the Head' by Coldplay.
06/25/2026 8:20pm Friday
One of my favorite things I did today was yawn and then smack my mouth two times after. The faint smack is a funny and satisfying sound to hear.
Another fun thing that I enjoyed today was walking on the treadmill. The first 40 minutes were nice, and then my anxiety kicked in for the next 40 minutes. Not fun.
I felt relaxed and rested as I moozied in place. No destination, desired pace, caloric usage, job task, etc. Here's to a nice toasty lunch tomorrow.
06/18/2026 9:58am Thursday Hot Sunny Summer Day
Olivia Rodrigo's new album "you seem pretty sad for a girl so in love" is on HEAVY repeat.
It's definitely one of the few albums that I would gladly listen from start to finish. Each song is so different, and so perfectly in place. Olivia Rodrigo absolutely cooked on this. She's speaking her story, and that story resonates with me, and hopefully all the other girlies who are going through or have gone through heartbreak and emotional growth.
'cigarette smoke' is such a strong song end off on. It's almost scary feeling to how strong her emotions are in the song. When I listen to it, my eyes sort of widen at her voice. Is anyone else hearing this? This girl like... wail and cry through a song? It's so powerful. I love Olivia Rodrigo. She cooked on this album, she did that, shoutout Olivia. I'm singing and listening to "you seem pretty sad for a girl so in love" for the rest of my life.
#recovering_girl_summer
06/12/2026 2:46pm Friday Hot Sunny Summer Day
I finished reading Educated by Tara Westover. Home girl as been through so much. I'm glad that she got to tell her story, and I hope she is doing well after: being mentally, verbally, and physically abused by the majority of her family, having to adjust to non-Bucks Peak society while not having the financial means and the cultural foundation (?) not sure how to say it.
The things I remember the most from book were that the existence of the patriarchy is a dangerous thing because in the book it enables extreme physical and mental oppression of women. For instance, Tara wasn't able to exercise agency to protect herself after her dad told her to use life-threatening mechanical equipment. (Chapter 15: "No More a Child") Tara's mother being responsible for household chores and writing greeting cards while being the main breadwinner of the family. "'That’s wifely work... I’ve never heard of a man writing cards.'" (Chapter 32: "A Bawling Woman in a Wide House) Shawn. The existence of Shawn is just a nightmare.
Education could have saved Tara and her family so many times like every time Luke, Tara, Shawn, and her dad got moderately to severely injured. Instead of going to the hospital and getting proper care, they stuck to care that ended up not helping like when Tara had strep, her sickness ended up getting worse due to faulty care. I'd flesh out my take on what Tara thinks to be necessary versus unecessary education, but I'd have to sit down and brainstorm some more. Tara was able to conventially get so far in Western society because she wanted to learn, and she chased that very hard (self studying K-12 for college prep, at times asking questions whenever she had them). When she was in higher institutions when she was balancing home events and school, it ended up impacting her mood and psyche that she stopped learning. And that was ok in context of what was going on.
Crazy book though.
06/04/2026 12:26pm Thursday Gray Skies but mostly clear
Today, I read a story about the U.S. Men's Soccer Team Captain, Tim Ream. Apparently he has experienced anxiety since he was in third grade; he'd go to the nurses office hoping to get sent home but really he was facing anxiety during the time. Since then he's been spending time talking to kids about their feelings while building Legos with them. The article was a really heartfelt read, and my mind started building a picture someone with a warm, slow, and gentle soul.
Another thing I learned recently is that I prefer single shot to double shot coffee drinks. Extra diluted espresso shots are much easier on my taste buds. If you don't like coffee, or are looking for a different coffee experience, I'd highly recommend a single shot. :)
05/27/2026 11:35am Wednesday
I wanted to make my favorite artists page a little more fleshed out today. Instead I went down a rabbit hole of a blog called Anonymous Lawyer which started in 2003! It's really really funny. What a great find. I like reading his fake blog post on how he likes to make law students vomit during interviews. I also how his first blog post was him suspecting his coworker got botox. That's legendary.
05/23/2026 5:58pm Saturday
Having an AWESOME Saturday, and I had an AWESOME Friday. On Friday, I played some Goomy songs and Tricky Towers and that was AWESOME. I had some AWESOME pasta, and I learned how to say fat beaver in Russian.
I had some AWESOME, spinach, eggs, bacon, and pancakes for breakfast. I had some AWESOME coffee from Broadcast Coffee and Herkimer Coffee. My friend gave me a super duper cute housewarming gift. I gotta make her a card as I have been meaning for a long time.
I'm going to audition for a band which is something I've never formally done before and I am scared. But I have awesome friends and life has been pretty cool. We're! So! Up!
05/21/2026 9:30am Thursday
Can't wait for my trip to Wyoming!
I'm so bad at drinking any beverage at work. I feel like my *gulp* sound is so audible and gross but then thinking about it more as I drink makes the problem worse.
05/14/2026 7:28pm Thursday
Currently I am thinking that buzzing my hair was a regression in my life's general trajectory. But then again I have been meaning to do this for quite some time. I guess I'm not giving myself the credit of having the courage to try a new hairstyle that's unconventional for women. I remember when I used to style myself more intentionally than I do now. And back in the day I know I felt good about the clothes I wore, the way I styled and cut my own hair, the outfits I put together. I was ... pretty content. And it feels like I have grown out of that style, which is fine. I just haven't gone out of the way to find clothes I really feel good about? Which is funny because I spent around 130 dollars between October and November on three jeans. One fits me really well, the other two I'm a little iffy on.
When I grew my natural hair I remember having days were I felt great about it. I mean I felt great about my appearance. I guess I didn't appreciate enough until now. I'd be lying if I said I walk out every day feeling amazing. I mean, I still catch myself wishing I could hide or wear a hat out of shame and embarassment. But if I feel this way and I don't flaunt my hair, then it'll be a waste.
I feel like since my post on 04/13/2026 I've been going through some gauntlet of self acceptance and emotional turmoil. I'm confronted with this state where I don't know what I want, I don't know what I like for myself, I have goals but maybe they're not the goals that would actually make me happy? Sometimes I start to reasonate with the scene in Fleabag where she wishes there was someone who would tell her what to do with every minute of her life. But I definitely don't want that. I think I'm generally proud of what I've done with my life. I just wish I could have a little cheerleader that I can see on my shoulder telling me that I'm doing great. I should be that cheerleader for myself, but I am only one body and one soul. To disassociate and have almost two personas is just too hard. Or even adding that burden to my already existing personality. Because then it's hard it's like... my head is a pigeonhole it's just too crowded and too much.
05/13/2026 11:29pm Wednesday
I got new climbing shoes today :)
I've had my old La Sportiva Miura shoes for a little over a year, and it is time to retire them. I'm ready to say goodbye to the Miuras if I don't think about all the times I've been through with them. But then, I think back to how they've been one of the few things in my life that stayed the same besides my climbing habits? Changes in my life come like a never ending flurry of punches. At the end of it all, I feel like my soul has wandered off far from where I started. My climbing shoes facilitated so much joy and comfort in my life; I didn't even realize they were providing me comfort. Before I dwell on them too much, I'll end this blurb here. I'm glad I can climb. I am glad I met the people I met through climbing. On with my new Unparallel Moccs!
05/04/2026 12:31pm Monday, it's getting hot in the city
Ok so, I've taken some time to think and talk with friends since the last post.
My friend recommended me to try daily, audible, verbal affirmations. I think I need this since my inner self talk is quite mean and deprecating. It is hard to do a daily affirmation when you don't really believe it, but I've come up with some I really like that I won't share here. Let me know if you want to hear about what they are, and I will tell you personally over email LOL
I'm going to stop trying to set expectations even more. I thought I had let go of most achievement-related expectations. But inside I still have a desire to achieve new milestones of various sizes. Now I will let go of the desire, and instead become a rock climber in everything I do. I'll simply hold on to the start hold of various problems, and then see what where I can get.
Today's start hold was a little doodle in my notebook. I didn't know what to draw, but I started a little and let the rest come.
Maybe 1 minute breathing exercises of no visual or auditory input would do me good too.
What if I do a 1 minute breathing exercise everytime I feel anger, sadness, anxiety?
Imagine if everything that could cause me anxiety I just acknowledge and let it float by. Is that how it's supposed to go? I acknowledge that it's causing me anxiety, realize what module of my life I feel is under attack (be it my career, mood, self-esteem), and then put up a shield like in Minecraft and let it slide off.
That would be pretty awesome.
04/28/2026 12:17pm Tuesday, slightly gray morning
I'm starting to slide into that depressive slip where I feel like I have no remarkable talents or skills. I'm like a mediocre kitchen utensil that has it's perks and uses once in a while when all the other tools are dirty in the sink, and then you have to resort to me.
I feel really really sad to be honest.
04/13/2026 2:47pm Monday, rainy gray morning
I am reminded of how I don't really think about my hobbies and my creative endeavors.
I don't have dreams that I'm actively working towards; I just do things that bring me joy without trying to progress anywhere specfic.
I rock climb, but I don't do anything beyond rock climbing. I volunteered at one rock climbing competition, maybe I can try to volunteer some more?
I usually run alone, but now I have a new running friend and that's been fun. I think I want to keep that up. I have a 2 week streak, 2-3 runs now :)
04/08/2026 11:12am Wednesday, Bright and Sunny
Yesterday I got to play Minecraft Tekkit 2 with my friends! It’s been a while since I played Minecraft on a server, so I felt extra joy.
I also finally washed my dish that had molding mozarella… yeah… not my brightest, responsible, smartest, moment. But we got it done!, My kitchen is looking pretty tidy :)
“Bubee"- Illit is such a perfect summer song. I’d describe it as a energetic, rainbow-y song.
04/06/2026 8:33am Monday, also very sunny today
It's Spring, but I feel so happy that I feel like it's summer.
Here is my quick Ode to Terraria
There are a few things in life I deeply crave. When I crave a snack after a filling meal, the feeling is so superficial, fleeting, tiny, insignificant. It is materialistic, and should not be respected. I want to turn my head at my desire for something so simple and so gratuitous.
Terraria, I crave with every animal spirit in my body that is capable of thought. My energy, materialized, would look like multicolored, glowing Tangela arms twisting into each other in all directions. This is because Terraria isn’t owned like a one-off purchase from Target. No, no, no, no. Terraria is an experience into a world where even when there’s so many monsters against you, you know that you will prevail in the end. And because of that, one feels compelled to keep trying, keep exploring, and extend those arms into all the crafting branches.
Terraria so fun!
03/24/2026 5:09 Tuesday, also very sunny today
Public transit in the United States sucks
when you're sitting next to a man who has no regard for his personal space.
Creep.
03/22/2026 2:20pm Sunday, also very sunny today
The stupid bread money struggle (brain vomit)
This story begins with my move into a new apartment causing me to buy a lot of new furniture and consistently pull from my digital pockets at alarming rates. I quickly numbed myself to it though. Spending on necessities and home improvements became a very easy pill to swallow. It just left an aftertaste that lingered over multiple weeks. Honestly, I would compare to the barrage of deducted personal funds, to that horrible saying, "A moment on the lips, forever on the hips". I spend my money once, and then the credit is forever on my record. These feelings are out-of-touch, but I really do feel a sense of guilt, mild-lingering discomfort, and sourness because all my paycheck seems to dissolve instantly.
Which is crazy because my rent isn't even that high compared to the apartments around me. I thought I found a bargain! And given the living conditions, you'd think my rent should be way lower. Anyways, two days ago, I did an investigation. Where is my paycheck going? Other than groceries, it really was the furniture! And yes I tried to buy the cheapest but not ugliest furniture as well! I was not going to WestElm and pretending like money didn't exist! Then yesterday, instead of spending two dollars at Trader Joe's on a baguette that would last me one day. (I eat a lot... maybe that's the issue. Then that's an entirely different issue) I thought "What if I baked my own bread?" I've done it before, and it worked great. And I would say I have a pretty good baker's intuition. Well the issue is, I didn't have a loaf tin, yeast, buttermilk, milk, lemon juice, and baking powder, which are all pretty neccessary for a good leavened bread, especially if you don't have yeast!!!!! And the whole point was to like... not spend money!!!! So, naively, I went into yesterday's mission to bake soda bread.
I was vaguely following a recipe from Sally's Baking Addiciton. I guess I added too much baking soda because when I tell you, the finished bread reminded me of my middle school memories where I'd bite into a cookie that filled my nose with the childishly added excess baking powder. Except this time, I didn't even have to take a bite, that was just pure wafted dissolved sodium bicarbonate. It tasted like sadness. The very familiar sense of sadness I have introduced myself to in my working age, of trying to be responsible, trying to be self sufficient, and falling so flat on my face. What's more I am too embarrassed to tell anyone about it because I feel like not a single person in my life has hit a low like the ones I go through. I am my own comforter and child. I tripped and fell on the sidewalk, and before I have time to cry and wail, I become my own mom and go "There, there". All at the same time, I'm holding back laughter because I know as the mom, that is this just a part of life, the journey of falling, getting up, and just being more careful as you walk on the sidewalk so accidents don't happen again.
So that's was my experience of baking bread without the pantry requirements to bake bread, and I'm writing this in a bookstore actually. So the funny happenings of yesterday are causing me to grin and curl my lips inward to hold my laughter. And the best part is I can still take the baking soda from the bread I ate this morning.
03/20/2026 10:31pm Friday, super sunny midday
Kitsch -IVE has one of my favorite pre-choruses ever.
The rest of the song is anticipation for the anticipation built by the pre-chorus. Nothing else. At least for me.
03/19/2026, 10:14am Thursday, gray and got woken up by my alarm
To write effectively and interestingly is something I struggle with.
If I want to write effectively, my writing has to stay organized, and there tends to be a template that I have to follow.
The fear is that by following a template, I lose the ability to add my own flare and inspire interest in the reader.
Thus, I have been writing mostly for myself so there's no one to please.
Otherwise, my anxiety kicks in, and then all the voices in my head tell to give up and not bother.
03/18/2026, 9:14pm Wednesday, gray and got woken up by rain
Listened to Mephisto's Waltz too much, and it become just an okay song.
Virginia Highlands by West 22nd kind of sounds like this one almonst monday song.
03/17/2026, 8:54am Tuesday, Oh it's gray outside
Listening to Mephisto's Waltz by benches right now.
Anson Kelly, the lead singer, has such a clear and powerful voice.
03/16/2026, 1:00pm Monday, Gray-ish skies, pretty cold
I hope Trader Joe's doesn't use AI art. If they don't please stay that way.
Ok so they do according to some Reddit threads.
I feel like I'm watching the world decline.
Did the early worker feel this way in 2016?
03/12/2026, 10:14am Thursday, Gray skies, EXTRA cold
It's still super cold in my apartment, and I can't turn the heater on at night because it's too loud.
I know it's trivial problem.
But my anxiety has only gotten worse, and I feel so tired.
I just want to curl up in bed and let the world race on and on.
03/03/2026, 11:37am Tuesday, Clear skies, cold
Bus ride was still bumpy today.
I made a page talking about my favorite artists.
Ones I'd have no problem referencing and studying/trying to be like them
My Favorite Artists02/24/2026, 09:55am Tuesday, Clear skies, cold
Bus ride was extra bumpy today.
I need Stone Roses or KEXP merch ASAP!
02/23/2026, 11:12am
Feeling anxious. again.
It's not as bad as last week because I feel like I'm working at my source of anxiety.
Listening to "Foaming" by Day We Ran makes me miss being in a band. I want to be in an active indie band so bad
02/13/2026, 12:00pm
Looking at tsome trees night now.
三梗向我
越伸越细
绿云两团
梢白如丝
02/10/2026, 9:34pm
The Stone Roses.
What a wonderful name for a wonderful band.
A rugged style but with clear instrumentation.
It's like eating a dish with many different flavors each one I can indentity and amplify if I gave it more attention.
Or, I can sit back and let them all mix together as a whole.
One thing that is for sure, is that when their music plays, their notes make their way into my ear, and a subconscious force draws me to follow along their song intently.
I used to listen to Phoneboy and the Peach Tree Rascals, and those artists made me feel young, hopeful, and jovial.
Now that I have to take on a different role in life, I have become jaded, a slave to capitalism and consumerism, and I can never be satisified no matter what life I think is right for myself.
The world when I try to navigate it alone is bleak. But when I'm with my friends it doesn't seem so bad.
Maybe I'm sad because I'm at ______.
Maybe I'll write a post later tonight and then I'm gonna say "Comrades! I'm so up!" or something stupid like that
01/16/2026, 2:52pm
The weather is BEAUTIFUl today.
Unfortunately I am sick..., and I'm so tired.
Want to live a simple life...
01/12/2026, 1:24pm
Renting is such a funny thing.
So is home ownership...
01/07/2026, 3:58pm
Ugliness is such a funny thing
Anyways, here are the top 10 most ugly people to exist:
30/12/2025, 13:40 – ritorno alla normalità
Ho sentito una storia.
Un professore e uno studente.
Lo studente dice: «Ho l’orecchio assoluto».
La madre dello studente dice che il ragazzo aveva difficoltà a suonare Deck the Halls a orecchio.
Perché quando la canzone arriva a “fa la la”, lo studente ha suonato davvero le note fa, la, la.
12/26/2025 12pm live from New Mexico!
Devo creare qualcosa che abbia senso.
Quand je regarde les travaux des personnes de nationalités différentes, je me sens inspirée.
Je sais que j'ai l'habileté pour créer quelque chose de beau.
没想到来博物馆这么有必要，这一趟真是受益匪浅。
要干的事儿太多了。。。
12/22/2025 1pm
No longer have cold!
I'm just so...tired
I look forward to tiny hangouts and feeling eensy teensy tiny like a mouse with my friends.
I felt good when my friends liked the gifts I gave them.
I hope I can be gifted some peace of mind with an energy boost.
12/10/2025 11am
I'm feeling sick, and this is the second time I've been sick this year!
Is my immune system just really bad?
I hope my friends are happy today! Meet my friends at Capital Loans:
Travis is in the band Two Minute Hate, and Ian mixes awesome music and is very awesome.
12/02/2025 2pm
Concert recap!! Should I make a big page for this? How do I make this entry special?
Send thoughts, suggestions, anything :)
Concerts: Phoneboy, Bad Suns, Smerz, The Marias, Inoha, Lord Huron
Openers: Inoha, Joe P, Coral Grief, Julie, Slow Joy & Worry Club, Kevin Morby
Shoutout Kevin Morby
12/01/2025 11 am
It's Decembrrrrr ❄️
Snow, snow, snow
Snow?
Snow :)
Snow...
11/27/2025 11pm
Celebrated a very cozy Thanksgiving by playing Clue and Collaborative Poker with my family and friends.
Someone pointed out to me that I seem more jaded than usual. They haven't seen me in months.
我不感觉我的朋友说是错的。
C'est vrai que dans les moins passés, mon moral a faiblit.
Mais je pense que c'est le même schéma qu'avant.
全都真的是在我的心态里。
Sto molto bene! Sarò meno triste, più felice e sarò forte
毕竟， 我能瘦四种语言。看我的！
Je suis joyeux maintenant, et je me souviens de tous mes professeurs et amis qui m'ont soutenu.
I can't let them down, and most importantly I can't let myself down!
Ho ragione e sono molto molto forte.
Cette phrase n'est pas difficile à comprendre.
所以你别太骄傲了。
I don't think my friend is wrong. I'm not sad, but I'm not exhilerated.
I still feel pretty awesome!
I'm not jaded! I'm still awesome and I'm cool (and I'm not coping)!
I'm just trying my best... and me right now is a result of that...
11/24/2025 3pm
I feel so eensy tiny like a mouse. And it feels awesome.
I feel awesome.
I hope my friends feel awesome >:)
11/14/2025 7pm
Just went to my first ever open jam session!
It was so fun.
I'm celebrating with a paneer burger and fries!
Watching a movie right now.
Just finished my burger...
11/09/2025 7pm
What purpose does money serve?
When someone is in human civilization, plopped in the middle of Seattle, they would need money to acquire a sufficient amount of food, water, medicine, and shelter. Their necessities.
Money is a signifier that they work and have earned my food, water, medicine, and shelter. Their necessities.
Sounds good to me!
11/08/2025 8pm
I need a Girl's Generation release. I think many people would be happier for sometime if Girl's Generation released a new song.
Speaking into existence right now :).
11/07/2025 12pm
It would be nice to have an app or spotify plugin so that when I listen to a podcast, it will pre-process the audio and then cut out the ad sections >:).
11/05/2025 10pm
Sono di nuovo stanco. Il mio cuore si sta annodando.
11/04/2025 12 am
人生很乱。我的房间果然也是这种状态。
10/31/2025 3 pm
Displacing people intensified the lack of independent land rights for women and general female autonomy in 3 case studies
https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/03066150.2017.1367291
The increased value of land and its commercialization is also closely linked to violence.
https://doi.org/10.1177/000203971705200102
War is a driver of gender inequality because the pursuit of land using violent means perpetuates the oppression of women in private settinga and the perception of women in society.
10/24/2025 3 pm
Sophie doesn't have to change
Sophie doesn't have to be a certain way
Sophie just is
Beautiful words by my friend rasppalkmifflin
10/16/2025 11 pm
Question, what makes philosophy important?
Answer, what makes anything important?
09/17/2025 11 pm
The breeze gains a new fire
The flower's stalk begins to split
09/15/2025 11 pm
bunny rabbit
09/15/2025 11 am
Tell me the world gets better than this!
09/07/2025
I drove to one coffee shop, could not find parking. Found parking.
At that point I was 11 minutes away by foot from the coffee shop.
Went to a different coffee shop instead.
Should have walked instead.
It will all be ok...
08/31/2025
Easy(?) way for Seattle to be a better city. Better traffic lights.
We should be having sensors for traffic, not timers that hold a green light even when there's no cars.
We have LLMs. How come we haven't integrated it into maps. Like instead of being confused at a light,
there be the capapbility to say something like, "Hey Google, is this my turn?". "What direction should I turn?"
That would save the driver the need to turn and look the screen, which sounds lazy, but is more safe because their eyes on the road.
08/29/2025
I need to have a list of websites/internet places where I can consueme with no ads.
I know companies need ads to make revenue, but the current state of ads is definitely excessive.
I just want to read the news, and I can't read it without 4 ads, each one messing with the text formatting.
They almost feel like an invasion of privacy
I guess I just just watch less youtube...yeah I think I'll just do that
08/22/025
Shoutout to my PHIL 100 prof.
Government mandated outside time
08/21/025
Saw a really pretty red tree today.
08/19/025
Feeling globular